After a lunch of delicious seafood chowder on the shore, we re-boarded the bus and headed to the cliffs. Our bus driver also started his stand-up comedy hour. He left no one unscathed and he poked fun of every country. He was hilarious! Here's a couple of my favorites that I remember:
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What do you call an Irishman who bounces back?
Rick O'Shea
What do you call an Irishman who sells lawn chairs?
Patty O'Furniture
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A woman went to see her doctor with a serious problem. "The other day, I was bursting to go to the bathroom. Afterwards, I looked down in the toilet and I saw that the bowl was full of one cent coins.
Later that night, I rushed to the bathroom again, and after I finished, I saw that the bowl was full of two cent coins. This morning, it wasn't any better and the bowl was full of 20 cent coins this time!
Finally, I just ran to the toilet at your office right before I came in here and the bowl was full of 50 cent coins!!! What's wrong with me, doctor!?!?"
"It's really quite simple, Mrs. Grady. You're just going through the changes."
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What is the difference between an Australian and yogurt?
After 200 years, the yogurt will be able to grow its own culture.
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An elderly man and woman had been married for fifty years and they were both kind of sick of each other. The old woman was going quite deaf and the old man was a little loopy. They decided to take a vacation to America, and they got on each other's nerves even more.
They were so angry that they didn't even want to sit next to each other on the plane ride home. The man started to strike up a conversation with the man who was sitting between them.
"Where are you from," the old man asked.
"I'm from America," the man replied.
"EHHH? What did he say?" the old lady asked.
"He said he's from America," her husband shouted. Turning back to the man, he asked, "Have you been to Ireland before?"
"Only once about 40 years ago," the man replied.
"EHHH? What did he say?" the old lady asked.
"He said he was in Ireland 40 years ago!" her husband shouted. Turning back to the man again, he asked, "Did you meet any lovely collies while you were there?"
"Well, I did meet one woman but she was uglier than mud. She looked very old, like she had known the Dead Sea back when it was only sick. Her voice sounded like grating cheese, and her body looked like a sack of potatoes."
"EHHH? What did he say?" the old lady asked.
Her husband replied, "He said that he met you 40 years ago."
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A Chinese woman emigrated to America. She would get money from home every week and would go to the bank to change it to American dollars.
One week she would get 94 dollars for her 1,000 yuan. The next week, she would get 100 dollars for 1,000 yuan. the following week, she would get 97 dollars for her 1,000 yuan. She was very confused by this, and finally, she asked the bank teller.
"How come I get different money back every time I pay the same amount?"
"Fluctuations," the teller replied.
The Chinese woman got very upset and angry by this remark. "Hey, Fluck you Americans too!" she replied.
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