The past few days in Dublin were great - I was reveling in my new adventure. I thought that I had ended my friendship with Doubt. I had thrown him out of the airplane somewhere over the Atlantic, never to be heard from again...or so I thought.
Doubt must have found a life jacket and a buoy and made his way to shore. Not only had he found my address, but now, he was banging on my door. Let me in. Let me in. I have learned that, even when you only open the door a crack, Doubt forces the doorway open all the way. He has a sinister way of sneaking in through a crack, and then suddenly, you are faced with a full blown panic attack. What a party crasher!
What if I didn't live up to expectations? What if I didn't know enough? What if I was unprepared?
That night, I tried to remind myself that Doubt was only in my head. I had two choices: I could let Doubt rule my life or I could take back control. If I decided to live within the limitations that Doubt imposed, I would feel much more safe and comfortable....but I would be miserable because I would not be following my dreams. If I decided to take a chance and live outside my comfort zone, then I would be scared....but I would be growing in character.
At least that's what I kept telling myself. The words sounded all well and good, but they actually did nothing to calm my fears. In reality, my courage was severely lacking. I barely got any sleep, but ready or not, time ticked forward, and morning came. I went to my first day of work.
I don't want to say too much about it because I don't want to bore anyone (....I don't know why, but neolithic tools and bronze age bracelets don't seem to interest most people...) However, suffice it to say, I am absolutely in LOVE with the museum. All of my fears and worries were for nothing!
Many of my colleagues my age, and they are all so friendly and kind. Everyone made me feel welcome right away. I love my coworkers. I love all of the exhibits. I love the work that I will be doing. Did I mention that I love everything?
In case you couldn't tell, I am very happy with my internship. Also, almost everyone takes a coffee break during the morning, so I already feel right at home :-) I am learning so many new things every day --- what an experience!
I now have my official ID badge and a key. I am so paranoid about losing them though. I already thought that I lost the key once - fifteen minutes after it was given to me! I almost had a heart attack (that would be just my luck). Luckily, a coworker had only accidentally moved the key to another desk, and it was recovered shortly. Whew!
My only other regret is that I wish that I had known that I would need to take a picture for my ID. I wore my hair up on the first day in an attempt to look professional. In the picture, however, I wound up looking like an old maid, and I think that one of my eyes is partially closed too. I don't know how I managed to look so horrid, but I succeeded - it's a gift really. Nonetheless, I still feel awesome to have my badge and to be a part of such a wonderful and historic place.
When I wake up in the morning, I am excited for the day ahead. I don't pull the covers over my head when the alarm rings; instead, I jump out of bed. (Actually, this is a major exaggeration because I definitely don't do any jumping until I have had at least one cup of coffee....but you get the idea.) Getting the chance to walk among the exhibits before the museum opens to the public is like a dream; I can't believe that I am here.
I have only been on the job for a few days, but the internship is already confirming for me that I have found my dream career. When I get back home, I just need to figure out how to get paid to do this kind of work, and then I will be set :-)
I know that Doubt is something that never totally goes away, but now hopefully, I will be better prepared for his next visit, armed with the knowledge of what I have accomplished.
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